What if this is good ?

Then came another shock. We received a letter stating that our rent is going up by $800 a month ...

Many years ago, a friend asked me if I would go with her to listen to a spiritual teacher at the 63^rd street Y. The teacher’s name was August Gold. She was an interfaith minister. My friend said that the gatherings were called “A Happy hour with August Gold”.

I first said no to the invitation as the word minister turned me off. Then I remembered a promise I made to myself to be openminded so I decided to go and check this out, at least once.

There were about 50 people gathered. Mostly middle-aged. August’s wife Carol started the hour with a song (she had a beautiful voice) and after a short meditation August started the talk with a story. It went like this “There was once ….” Everyone got quiet. I love stories and was all ears right away and started attending her gatherings every Monday.  She would dig into wisdoms and stories from many spiritual traditions; Buddhism, Taoism, Kabala or Christianity. She often red Rumi’s poems.    August weaved the stories together and often shared her own journey. I read many spiritual books before, listened to many inspirational talks but whenever I faced life challenges all those wisdoms would fly out the window. Fear blocked out everything. August has a gift to present things in a way that it stays with you and becomes a practical tool. One of the most memorable Mondays August started the talk with Marcus Aurelius’ quote “True understanding is to see the events of life in this way: You are here for my benefit, though rumor paints it otherwise.” I never heard that quote before. August then told us about a time she was at a beach, watching two little girls play in the waves. Suddenly a big wave came and knocked the girls down to the ground. When they got up, they looked at their mothers and August said, that was the moment, a brief moment when the girls were deciding if what just happened was a horrifying event or a great, adventures fun. The mother’s started laughing and clapping and that’s when the girls laughed too. The tears never came. August said to us “You all had times when something suddenly knocked you down. We all usually shrink in fear, call many people and say what a horrible thing is happening to us and we get the sympathy. It feels good for a moment. But then nothing changes. All that happens automatically. You are all in your 50tis and you come to these talks because clearly something is not working in your life. So, I invite you to do something different. When the next big wave crushes you. When you get the scary news, take a breath and say, even in the midst of feeling terror, “Welcome, you are exactly what I have been looking for though rumor say is it otherwise “ and I promise you, this will be a game changer.”

The opportunity to try this new approach came faster than I wished for. One day my husband came home and said he got let go from his job of 17 years. First thought; there goes our stability and health insurance and usual litany of fear. We lived at the time in a beautiful loft in Williamsburg and loved the place. The only thing I was missing in that neighborhood was some trees. I also loved our landlord who said when we first signed the lease that he is interested in a long-term tenant. He hardly raised our rent over those 8 years. We thought this would be our place for good. I finally felt some level of safety. My dream was to own our own living space but we were in no position to obtain that and this apartment was the next best thing. Then shortly after Xavier lost his job came another blow. We received a letter stating that our rent is going up by $800 a month and we have 3 months to move out or stay and pay the new amount. I was working part time; no landlord would let us rent an apartment with our current income and we didn’t even have enough to pay all the fees and two months’ rent in advance, plus where were we going to find an inexpensive apartment in New York city? Then there was knock on the door and our neighbors (there were 3 apartments in our building) rushed in, outraged, just like us and the decision was made to get a lawyer and sue the landlord for such a sudden raise in rent. We felt better after they left, more in control. Then I remembered “Oh No! I can’t do that! This is the moment August was talking about! The time for me to open up my arms and say “Welcome, welcome, you are exactly what I was looking for though rumor says it otherwise”

So, I went to Xavier and made a proposal that instead of suing the landlord we look at this from a different perspective. I said to him, what if nothing bad is happening? What if life is moving us somewhere else, that’s all. I then went to our neighbors and told them that we are not participating in the lawsuit. Next, we sat on our couch every morning, had our coffee and I would say (still shaking inside but I would say it anyway) “Wow, isn’t this exciting, you were released from a job you did not like anymore and we are being moved. I wonder where?” And every time I noticed my arms being folded, I would pry them open. I then wrote a letter to our landlord Mark, thanking him for the amazing apartment and for being such a wonderful landlord. He was moved by the letter and shared with us that he was going through a messy divorce .  Mark wrote us a beautiful recommendation letter to our next landlord. Then I started looking for apartments. Most people said it will be difficult to find something reasonable and quick but since I was looking from a different perspective now I said to myself “What if its easy and fast, what if what everyone says is not true?  And within 3 days I found one up in Harlem on 152^nd street. It was a building build around year 1900 and had many apartments so we thought we hit the jackpot. $1500 for a big, sunny one bedroom, rent stabilized. We were so happy that we did not notice that this particular apartment was taken out of rent stabilization status during the time when you could put a new sink in the bathroom and call that renovation. And that’s the only new thing that was renovated the sink and the toilet. I was first upset, even went to a housing lawyer to see if we could prove that the landlord cheated. Then again, I remembered to look at it differently “What if this is a good thing? What if that’s just means, our home is somewhere else? That’s when I started filling out applications for the housing lottery, and for Mitchell-Lama buildings lists. The Mitchell-Lama was not a lottery but the average waiting time for an apartment was 7 to 10 years. I filled them anyway. There was one particular Mitchell-Lama building not far from where we were living, on Riverside Drive. Every apartment had a balcony. That’s where we wanted to live. We thought, ok at least in 7-10 years we will finally be at a place where nobody can kick us out. And then a miracle happened. Xavier was in the army for 2 years when he was young and if you were a veteran, your application went automatically to the front of the list. We moved to our very own apartment within 3 months after applying. That was the year we were the poorest. Because of our low income we qualified for that building. We were able to buy the co-up for less than most people’s 10 percent down payments is on a studio in NY city. We are 5 minutes’ walk to the Riverpark. Our maintenance is the same amount I paid for my east village tiny space, 20 years ago. and the utilities are included. If both landlords did not raise the rents, we would never know that this was available. We would never leave, thinking that we were lucky, even though it was a 5th story walk up. Through all those years we had such a strong desire to have affordable housing in New York city and had no idea that the universe was working on our behalf, dragging us towards a new reality. My imagination did not go that far. I could not imagine that buildings like ours existed in New York city. We have 24/7 security, beautiful laundromat in the building, balcony’s, community room, view of Hudson River and George Washington Bridge and downtown. People in our building smile and talk to each other because no one is spending most of their paycheck on rent. The road to it was bumpy and scary at times but that experience changed me. I no longer look at so called calamity with the same eyes. I always choose a different perspective than the one I practiced for most of my life and I ask myself a question;

“What if this is the Universe taking me again to a place that I secretly wished for, in the depth of my heart but my mind is just too limited to envision beyond of what I know?”   

View in front of the building

Mika on the balcony